In addition to the posts on Character vs Talent, Manipulation vs Inspiration and How to Speed Read People there are likely to also be questions about the difference between Character and Personality. If you have not yet read these other posts it’s a good idea to have a look at them as well.

So , what is the difference between character and personality?

The difference is that character has to do with your motives, identity and your self-image. These are the things that control your consistent behaviors.

Personality on the other hand is the means by which behaviors are expressed. In other words: your tone of voice, your sense of humor and your method of delivery when you express yourself.

Personality has more to do with communication styles, whether a person processes information and communicates more on a logical level or an emotional level. All of these are superficial expressions of the deeper part of a person: their character.

In fact, the word “personality” actually comes from the root Latin word which means: “Mask.” Personality is the expression of who we are…but it is not the substance of who we are. Our substance lies within our character.

Now, the question a lot of people have is whether or not you can actually change your personality. In other words, if a person is shy or passive can that person develop a personality of being assertive and confident?

The most popular answer to this question is to give a person a list of superficial techniques such as: stand up straight, speak with clarity and conviction, make eye contact, have a firm handshake, don’t give in and say yes when you really mean no….blah blah blah.

The problem with this approach is that you are trying to make a change in personality traits by sheer force of will using superficial techniques. While it is possible to force such changes for a time, this kind of solution is like stapling apples to an oak tree in order to change it into an apple tree.

You see, in reality confidence is not a personality trait…it’s a character trait. In order to make a genuine change in the personality traits which represent true confidence (tone of voice, posture, making eye contact, speaking clearly and with conviction), you have to start at the root. That root is your sense of identity and self-image…your character.

Other similar character traits are: trustworthiness, decisiveness, assertiveness, discipline, resilience, devotion, dependability, patience, kindness, loyalty, morality and compassion.

All of these things have one thing in common: they require emotional maturity and a strong self-image in order to be consistent in your life. If they are not consistent then they are not parts of your true character.

Think about it: anyone can look at the behaviors of another person and imitate them for a time or under certain conditions.

In fact, this is one of the primary techniques of NLP Training, it’s called “modeling.” However, the problem is that this not addressing the root and is therefore a poor solution for genuine long term change.

Any attempt to use such techniques to display character is manipulation, and an invitation to disaster or disappointment in the long term. If other people are involved, it’s also a direct path to destroying trust in the long run. It’s like making beds in a burning house.

(For more information on this see Manipulation vs Inspiration)

Just think of a comedian who can tell a joke and get people to laugh hysterically. Meanwhile, if you turn around and try to tell the joke to your friends they just look at you and you are left with:

“Well, I guess you would have to have been there.”

This is also why one person can apply something like the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people or NLP or the 12 Step Program or Napoleon Hill’s 13 Principles and get no results. Meanwhile, someone uses one of these approaches and it changes their lives.

This is because of the difference lies within who is actually applying these techniques. It’s the person’s identity and self-image which makes all of the difference….their character.

This is the reason why Value Driven Transcendence deals with changing your character in order to change your actions and therefore the results in your life. Once you are able to do this, things will begin to work for you which you have seen work for others and wondered:

“Why is this working for them and not for me?”

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